You are currently browsing the monthly archive for June 2008.
holy jesus…
ahh okok… i’m in alot of pain right now… too much laughing is seriously not healthy…
last night, we were hanging out at Prince of Wales bar (POW) which used to be a place where stevie and julian worked. so we were all there, julian’s fam and stevie’s fam and me, and we were just hanging out there catching up and talking shit along the way..
we went for a pretty decent dinner after and just hung out some more at the hawker.. later jew’s sister decides that stevie should bring the bottles of JD over to her place and all chill with her and her mom and teh jew..
anyways, so stevie always thought he had a chance to fuck his sister.. and the other guy who came, alex, is a scotsman who works at the bar with them, just likes to poke fun at julian and irritate the shit out of him.. last night was basically us making fun of julian all night and the more they drank, the more pissed julian would get..
the jokes went something like this..
julian : aye you fucker… you’re just a sick bastard who keeps trying to look up my sister’s skirt all night…
alex : i resent that.. i’m a gentleman… i would do no such thing… i was trying to look down her dress…
julian : put your hands up for jesus!
alex: i would put my stuff into your sister for nothing!
god.. there was so much more but i was so fucked up and sickly last night to remember.. i’m sure they will come back to me soon…
in anywhichcase… for the better part of the night, i was just hanging out with julian, his mom and his sister and alex and stevie, talking about film and music.. oh righty ho… julian’s sister just lost all bodily control… she broke 1 glass and a tower fo glass candle holders… it was hilarious how her mother was ripping on her all night as well.. giving annoying comments directed at her like “careful nour, its made of glass..” or when she hears a loud noise of some sort “nour, are you holding something?” oh, nour is jew’s sister btw…
well, i’m sure more shit will happen again tonight.. might be going to watch teh Zohan tonight with stev… jew’s being a broke ass and not coming..
PICTURES WILL BE COMING SOOON!!!!!
i apologise if this blog looks boring…
-malcolm
EPIC FAIL
just for the fucking record, i was dragged to watch this upon my return to singapore by my sisters… it was a shite movie.. honestly, 4 sluts in the city.. why is it such a big hit? because WOMEN think its all about the 4 of them taking control of their lives.. “ooh feminism this and feminism that”… clearly their lives are being controled by men.. looking for happiness? more like hunting for cock..
you have this jew family who have been fucking for like 4 years and still can’t get a kid.. how ironic is it when they adopt, they all of a sudden have a baby?
and samantha? that woman is as loose as jeans on a weight loss commercial.. honestly, she’s 50 and still fucking around.. she better settle down soon, not every guy digs a granny..
mirranda is just dumb as a box of hair.. with a muff like cecilia chung? absolute grossness… and besides, keeping a bever like that will more or less seal your fate that your husband will fuck someone else! unless he’s edison chen… and come on, no sex for 6 months? i’m in a LDR and even i have sex more often than that..
carrie.. where do i start.. she was ugly as shit in the movie.. she was more ripped than samantha’s bf.. her hands were all old and veiny.. her skin was hanging off her bones and she looked like a heroin addict on speed.. there was the scene where she got to mexico, she looked like she had pink eye or some shit..
long story short, this movie blows… there’s no substance to it.. more like the female version of RUNAWAY BRIDE. it was crap, cheesy and corny.. oh did i mention crap? 4 sluts in the city… they should make it a reality tv series.. they’ll definately make more money than the shit that they have now…
heh heh, i’m gonna get so much hate mail.. i hope i do.. its gonna be zzz if i don’t…
-Malness
ahh… singapore…
not much to say about this tiny little shit hole.. the only way i can describe this place is an island of shit being boiled in a pot of water… its hot and it smells here… suddenly, there are so many ugly people roaming the streets too… jesus… this country is going to shit. just yesterday while i was getting my sim card done in plaza singapura, it was swarming with uglyness…
i’m not brilliant looking but holy shit.. must have been the inflow of ROC ugliness… everywhere i turned it was some ugly ass woman in tight white or neon yellow pants with a sleeveless collar shirt topped off with a visor… fuckin hell man.. its disgusting… not tomention fat:(…
well, on a happier note, i just got my girlfriend something nice which i hope she will appreciate or else i’m just gonna have to take it back and sell it off… paid a bit out of budget but its ok.. love knows no price hehehe…
well, i went to see my grandma yesterday too.. was shocked to learn she was actually 94… i’m surprised my dad wasn’t like retarded or some shit when he was born coz my grandma would be like 40 when she gave birth to him.. god.. well, spent the best part of the visit just holding her hand and talking to her.. she fell asleep and i just hung around till my sister started complaining that she needed to go home and sleep..
all in all, i still hate this country i’m forced to call home.. its gay, its boiling and it sucks… i wanna go back to cold cold aussie… only in dec i’ll contemplate on coming back.. it’ll be hot and dry in melb.. last year was bad enough… I NEED TO INSTALL AIRCON!
more posts and maybe pics coming up soon? hang around…
-Malness
anyways… same old shit today..
woke up this morning at like 11.55.. and was like all alone in the house for the first time in a long time… friends left a post it on my TV… of all places.. put it on my glasses or soemthing.. well better than the time lionel and cheryl post it my entire house.. under every plate, inside every cupboard.
besides that… i have a question.. how smart do you have to be to work in Mc donweldz? stupid woman can’t take a proper order… i was making an order and i said “hoi… can i have 2 double cheese burgerz? and one 6 piece nuggets?”
well, everything seemed in order, till i got the bag of food back… and to my surprise, there was this cookie sized piece of burger in the bag next to a box.. i was like .. meh? wtf.. went back to the counter and said.. “hey! i said 2 double cheese burgers!” and the bitch looks at me with that stupid face and said “yes yes! thats the order! 2 dollar cheese burger!” dumb brainless woman… if you don’t speak the language, get the fuck out of the country! jeezuz…
oh well… going back to singapore soon… tomorrow evening to be precise.. friends in singapore, ya can’t call me just yet.. need to get a new sim card because it got fucking lost when i lost my wallet 
sadness…
baby? i’m coming back to see you too ok? gonna take you away for a nice holiday.. love you!
love you guys too..
chill the fuck out..
-Malcolm
Jump starting up my life..
So anyways… I decided to start up my blog again.. Its not on Xangacockgaystupid anymore.. That program is seriously homosexual…
Speaking of homosexual, a few months back, my god bros Daniel V and Aaron were talking about freddie coming out of the closet.. It seemed scary at first, but then i so fucking saw that coming.. Besides, i knew that if we all treated him that way, he would be a fagzorz.. if you guys want the document, just let me know on MSN!
Hey Homo-Freddo! heard you’ve been talking shit about me eh? here’s a pic just for you my gender confused friend. If South Park was real life, he would be butters…
Beautiful ain’t it?
Ok ok.. let me reintroduce myself… I’m Malcolm.. I race, I rave, I rant, I resolve…
I can’t drink, but i can drive. I help my friends when they most need me.. Namely to help them home when they’re drunk.. No names mentioned… You know who you are.. I’ve got a girlfriend! Who you’ll see in the coming blog posts.
I have a bunch of close friends here in Melbourne. Group of brothers if you will.. names have been changed to protect the identity of these people. their photos have been taken at almost drunk state to get the LULZ effect.
Jun Tau
The Lifeline of the brotherhood. He is the most moral of us all and has the most hystarical laughter.
Trivia Time! Jun Tau is known to have a liking of Singaporean women.
Ohmz
Also another of the moral ones. Ohmz likes to club and mingle with people. Friendly as hell, smokes like hell.. Ohmz will get your back no matter what. No gay pun intended.
Trivia Time! Ohmz is known to pick up women as easily as picking dog shit.
Indo
Indo likes to get drunk. Indo also likes to get high. High on life, high on alcohol, its all the same. Bad with women when sober, amazing pulling skills when drunk. Indo makes a good friend with his knowledge of random audio visual artefacts and ranting. Indo cannot do back flips.
Trivia Time! Indo likes his women like his food… spicy.
SharkFace
SharkFace is the most random and crazy one of the lot. He can start a fire in the living room if he was allowed to.. in fact, i think its been done before. Sharkface is also the most violent. Sleepy days might be counterattacked by violent headlocks from nowhere and also everyone keeps a good 3 meters away from him for fear of getting hurt.
Trivia Time! SharkFace is a codependant creature. SharkFace enjoys long lasting relationships and long walks in the park blah blah blah… was recently on a dole without a mate. Ladies! this is your chance!
Hongkie
Hongkie is a heart breaker. Woman eater. He is also a nice brother to hang around. Helps all the time and is very grateful to everyone who does him kindness. Hongkie has no temper. Kind as hell, generous as fuck as well. Hongkie likes to laugh. Hongkie does not like the black mamba.
Trivia Time! Hongkie is from Hong Kong!
Malness
Thats me. I’ve chosen this picture because just in case you faggots say “ooo.. Mal put up a shit picture of us…” i can say “fuck you! i put shit piks of myself too!”
Anyways, Malness.. Malness has a gf.. Malness is the only one who is hitched at the moment. We can’t count Penang Boy because seeing a girl for 2 weeks and getting a dog together is not what i call a relationship. and besides, he hasn’t gone through the proper procedure of becoming a brother yet. Malness likes laughing at unfortunate events.
Malness also has a sick sense of humor but he shares the joy with others! Malness does alot of the paper work. Rose Garden Appreciation group mostly. Malness also helps everyone in their drunken hours. Mainly because Malness cannot get drunk… Because Malness doesn’t drink.
Trivia Time! Malness is fat…
Well, thats all of us i guess… more to come soon…
PS: sorry SharkFace.. I don’t have a recent photo of you alone so i had to use the one with Charkoal Mastar behind you..
-Malness
